There’s no getting around it—you’re busy, and your partner probably is, too. You have careers to focus on, family responsibilities, holidays, birthdays, and everyday tasks that take up most of your time and energy. Planning for your and your partner’s financial future might be just about the last thing on your mind.
That being said, having financial conversations as a family is more important than you might realize. It’s through these discussions that you and your partner can align on important financial issues and concerns—whether it’s about preparing for retirement, managing healthcare costs, or achieving exciting milestones together.
By taking intentional steps to discuss your finances and align your goals, you’re doing what you can to ensure a more secure financial future for your family.
The good news is that financial conversations don’t have to be anxiety-inducing or even boring. Rather, you can make a date out of it, and use these discussions to prioritize your commitment to one another’s happiness and well-being.
Here are our top tips for planning your own money date with your partner or loved one.
What Is a Money Date?
The concept of a “money date” is fairly simple. It’s a scheduled time for you and your partner to sit down and talk about your financial situation, goals, and dreams. The idea is for this to be a productive, positive conversation that’s less about spreadsheets and detailed decision-making and more about having an open, honest conversation about what matters most to you as a couple.
For many couples, money is still an uncomfortable (or even contentious) topic. Setting aside dedicated time to have these high-level conversations can help destigmatize the topic—especially if either of you grew up in households that never talked about money.
Think of it like any other date you and your partner might have. Pick a cozy setting, grab your favorite snacks or drinks, and come with a willingness to listen and share some honest, respectful dialogue. Whether you’re mapping out retirement, planning for kids, or simply reviewing your household budget, this time together should be intentional and productive.
How to Set the Right Tone
The tone you bring to a money date is critical to fostering a positive conversation. Choose a calm, relaxed setting where you both feel comfortable. Maybe you’d like to meet at your kitchen table with a cup of coffee or on the couch with a glass of wine after the kids are asleep. No need to make it fancy, but you could always head to a coffee shop or lounge if you feel like there may be too many distractions at home.
Focus on collaboration rather than criticism. Instead of pointing out past mistakes your partner might have made, frame the conversation around shared goals and how you can work together to achieve them. Maintaining a positive, forward-focused attitude can help you both feel supported, heard, and valued.
What to Discuss
What you choose to discuss will depend on a number of factors, namely your stage of life and financial priorities. For your first money date, however, just start with the basics—don’t worry about what specific topics you need to cover.
Try reviewing your family’s current financial picture. List out your assets, debts and liabilities, lines of credit, and any anticipated upcoming expenses (like a home renovation, new car, etc.). From there, identify specific areas of concern you’d like to tackle together or goals you’d like to achieve.
Breaking the discussion into smaller, manageable parts can make this process less overwhelming. Remember, it’s helpful to focus on progress instead of constantly trying to achieve perfection.
Make It a Recurring Event
One money date is a great start, but reviewing and realigning your financial life requires consistency. Consider making this a monthly or quarterly habit. Doing so can better ensure the goals and plans you and your partner discussed actually stay on track while also giving you the opportunity to make adjustments as life evolves.
Regular money dates allow you and your partner to review progress, discuss ongoing challenges, and adjust your goals as needed. With repetition, these conversations should become easier and more productive as well.
Stay Solution-Oriented
No matter how compatible you both are, talking about money has the potential to bring up strong emotions. It can get especially hard to stay positive and understanding when you discuss challenges like debt, unexpected expenses, or any shortfalls in your savings goals. It’s natural to feel frustrated at times—both at yourself and your partner.
If tensions rise, try to take a step back and remember that you’re in this together. Assigning blame to one partner or the other isn’t productive. Instead, focus on how to move forward. With a problem-solving mindset, you can keep the conversation positive and focused.
For example, you and your partner may want to consider actionable strategies like:
Creating a debt repayment plan
Adjusting your budget so you can pad your emergency savings
Working with a professional to address complex issues
Should You Involve a Financial Advisor?
Speaking of working with a professional, some financial conversations and decisions may feel too complex, overwhelming, or impactful to navigate on your own. For example, you only get one chance to prepare for a financially secure retirement, and working with an advisor could help you avoid costly mistakes.
In fact, a financial advisor can be a valuable resource at any stage of life. From balancing college savings and retirement planning to building a tax-efficient wealth transfer strategy, a professional can provide guidance tailored to your unique circumstances.
They can also serve as a neutral third party to mediate challenging or uncomfortable conversations while helping your family stay focused on your long-term goals and more immediate needs.
It’s Time to Plan Your Next Money Date
Every money date should end on a positive note, with actionable steps to keep you motivated. Try agreeing on one or two priorities that you both can focus on until your next meet-up. Don’t forget to celebrate the progress you’ve made so far, and set a date to continue the conversation in the future.
Meeting regularly to bring your financial well-being to the forefront is important, not only for achieving your financial goals but bringing you and your partner closer together. Over time, these conversations should help foster more financial trust and understanding between the two of you.
John J. Diak, CFP® is the Principal & Client Wealth Manager at Oatley & Diak, LLC in Parker, Colorado. He assists clients through many difficult lifestyle changes such as business downturns, retirement planning, divorce, the death of a spouse, and family estate issues among others. Oatley & Diak, LLC is a family-run registered investment advisory (RIA) firm that provides clients with investment management and financial planning services in a hands-on, intimate environment. Learn more about them at oatleydiak.com.
The opinions expressed in this material are for general informational purposes only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations.
This material was prepared in collaboration with Crystal Marketing Solutions, LLC, and edited using artificial intelligence based on sources believed to be accurate. This information is for educational purposes only, does not necessarily reflect the views of the presenter or affiliates, and should not be construed as investment, tax, or legal advice.
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